Somewhere along the line, I got on a roller coaster of sorts. I don’t mean the ups and downs of life that take our emotions and throw them all over the place. Instead, it seems I’m on the front car and the noise of it being pulled up that massive first hill is happening. The *clinks* that are a repetitive rhythm reminding you that you are being pulled to the top and pushed over the edge, whether you are ready or not. The fear that sets in for some, the excitement that sets in for others, and the intoxicating mix of both of those for a lot of us, hits us as we are at the mercy of this thrill machine that has no brake pedal nor steering wheel for us to grasp onto for control.
And that’s where I’m at… Somewhere between looking over my shoulder to see how I even got here and trying to peek ahead to see what is coming up once the *clinks* stop clinking and the idea of a free-fall becomes a reality. Life is moving on, whether I think I’m ready or not. Life is bursting into an all out sprint and there’s small part of me that begs to be paid attention to that is yelling “Hey, we don’t move unless we agree to moving!” I also can’t really say “I find myself here” because I’m too big to ever lose and I always try to be aware of the changing tide that is in process constantly around us called life.
I’d like to think I have a healthy fear or respect for the ride and where it is apparently taking me, though. Although I highly respect the place or position it is drawing me into, it doesn’t all of a sudden change the fact that for the most part I’ve been checking and double-checking my seat belt and trying to work up enough courage to raise my hands in the air once the top is crested. If I in anyway look around and pat myself on the back I’ve made three enormous errors.
1. I’ve mistakenly thought that this was the end of the ride when in reality it is just the first hill. There is a long ride still ahead and just as life has propelled me up this hill, it will propel me down it and continue moving.
2. I’ve erred in thinking that I deserve credit for doing little more than getting on the ride. I do have a healthy fear or respect for this but I have done very little to actually deserve it. Truth be told, I don’t deserve anything at all. (But the inundation of grace that falls on me from an unfathomably generous God, has brought me here.)
3. I’ve lacked judgment in over-estimating where this ride is taking me to use it to compare myself to others. Although I have the high regard for it, it doesn’t mean that it’s the most important thing on the ride nor even that the peak is needed to be compared to others’, to demonstrate it’s grandeur. (Conversely, I refuse to belittle or minimize the importance of what it is.)
Ok, what’s the point, right? The point is I don’t have control nor the illusion of control of what is happening. Sure, there are little things I can do here or there to impact the direction and I sure as anything can control how I react to what’s happening, but I can’t even give you a set of directions to end up where I am.
Bottom line is there is something I have to put my trust in or I’m going to go crazy (if that has not happened). I chose a few years back, and continue to chose again and again, to put my trust in the creator of the ride. The architect of the whole thing who can stand back and see in His mind’s eye what the ride will look like before it even begins. The One who has planned it all out, brought it into being, and knows where it will ultimately end up. The trackmaster that laid each piece of track to go through the hills, dips, corkscrews, and loops exactly the number of times and speeds that are perfect for me.
Sometimes I lose site of this and think “Oh no, what’s next? How can I even know what to do?” Then I am reminded, I can talk to the designer and the knowledge He has, He desires to share with me in His time. He knows what’s over that hill as well as every one after that. He isn’t surprised when the ride jerks me to the right, left, up, or down. He’s not baffled by anything, other than probably my reaction at times. Nah, He understands – not in a “Hey that’s ok” kind of way, but a “I know what you’re going through, let me heal and restore that for you.” Because He not only gets it all, He knows how to fix it when I’ve tried to take over and wreck the ride.
Elementary I know, but that’s what I understand best.
God, you have my complete faith and trust in what’s next, because what could I possibly know other than what’s in front of my nose? Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 6:25-31, Romans 8:28, & Ephesians 3 let me know of your infinite goodness and your wisdom and your faithfulness and your unfathomable riches and incomprehensible love. Please, take me where you need to, to get whatever glory you can for yourself out of my life that you purchased the rights to over 2000 years ago. I covenant with you, that you gave your body and spilled your blood for me, and I gladly give up the same to you.
All I can do is put my hands in the air as we crest this hill…